6 new parent milestones nobody mentions

six milestons

1. The first time you hide in your room from your child and watch horrible TV shows like Celebrity Wife Swap because you just can’t take it anymore. Then you realize your life isn’t so bad, at least your husband doesn’t demand breakfast in bed and you don’t keep squirrels as pets.

2.  The first time your child almost or completely falls off the changing table or other high surface. I caught The Bug by her dress inches from a face plant just the other day, and our doctor has a scar on his head from his mother not being so quick. It happens to the best of us.

3. The first time you use your baby as an excuse to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Oh, yeah, we can’t make it, so sorry, the baby just gets horrible rashes and coughing fits if she’s out past six on a week night, so sorry.

4. The first complete meltdown at Target during which you try to calmly walk out balancing a baby, bags of toilet paper and dish soap, all the while silently (or not so silently) pleading with your chid to stop screaming long enough to get to the car.

5. The first time you’re pooped on, peed on, vomited on or find yourself on the receiving end of some unidentifiable bodily fluid. Just go with it, that’s what washing machines are for.

6. The first time you hear her belly laugh. It makes it all worth it.